Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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