um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize