I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
id be glad to
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
