New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
