Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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