i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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