I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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