Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
