I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
