my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think your dad took our porno
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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