you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
