1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
