I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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