sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
