thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize