I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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