Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
