So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
