What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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