just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
