don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
