I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
