and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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