My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
