Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
