I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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