he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
