so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
