can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
