Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
