In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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