hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
