Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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