I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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