No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
