if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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