So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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