I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
