I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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