I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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