you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
