Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
