How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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