I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
