we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
