Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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