The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
