The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
