I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize