So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I currently don't understand fingers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
