he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize