If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
