i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
