Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
