I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
