So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
