Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
