Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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