Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
