Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
