at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
