There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
