I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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