i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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