Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a beard to bite.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
