i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
