it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
