I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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