I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
