thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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