I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
