It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
